mistakes & worries | reality.

so today, i want to write a a post{this post} about worried & mistakes. some advice, i guess, could be taken from this. mostly me sharing & explaining recent life moments. :)

while life goes on for everyone else, my life seems like it stays still for days on end. it hurts to stay in the past & not want to move ot do anything. it is challenging to walk this road alone. working on my "image" of myself & how others see & hear things from me. i want to be heard & seen in a beautiful light from everyone. it IS true you must love yourself and see yourself in a beautiful light before you can expect others to see you that way. it will be tricky but we can all make it through. i chose to walk that road alone. i am choosing to talk to god daily, to pray & think about others constantly, i am choosing to look at myself in the mirror and say 'you chose the right thing, you can only be the best you can be today. i believe in you, i am always here for you.' sometimes you just have to depend on yourself for support and love.

when you make a mistake it becomes harder and harder to look at yourself and say that to yourself. and mean it. you have to have courage and strength to wake up and keep going on to the next day & the next issue. you can do it. you can get over the boulder. you can do it all. you have all you need. there are sometimes when you have struggles and hardships but you always have all the love & care you need. it is all there. you may not see it or feel it but someone out there in this BIG beautiful world loves you. never forget that. 

once, you move forward and forget the lies, tears, loss', you can move on and you can be a better you. everyday we are building and becoming stronger & more good at being ourselfs. some days you will find it hard to look at yourself, you may be ashamed, you may just be sad, but i am telling you that the pain makes it that much more worth it.i know what you are thinking, 'what?! is she crazy?!' the answer is yes, yes i am crazy. but for me it is like running. when i feel the pain & want to stop, that is when i get the best rush to keep going & keep running faster. the pain makes me want to go further to rid the pain.

i hope that makes sense. i know you can all wake up for the day & believe that you truly are beautiful, gorgeous, smart, & loved.

xx-hails.

suddenly sunday | three.

baking. loving. biking. running. reading. kissing. film photos. video from today.
 xx- Hails 

the almost . happenings

{i don't think any of you will read all my nonsense... if you do, i love you!}

 

you know when you walk away from something or someone, and you almost do something or say something? you know that feeling of regret or sadness because you didn't say or do it? 

i am calling it the "state" of almost. that moment right after or before it almost happens. at first you get butterflies, you want it. you think it will be good and fine after it occurs. then it doesn't happen. you walk away and realize that you did all that worrying all that thinking all for noting to happen. you realize that all your anxiety over the tiniest thing was all for nothing.  you figure you will get the chance again. to say it or do it. to kiss them. to say "i love you". to hug. to love. to celebrate. to be everything you ever wanted to be with them. you figure you have all this time. you think you have tomorrow. you think you can just pick up the phone and call them in the morning. you think that tomorrow you will get your second chance.

i have come to realize, the hard way, that you dont always get a second chance. sometimes it is just that one moment. sometimes it is just that one time that you will get to do or say it. once it is gone, you never will get it back. you are what you are. you did waht you could but deep down you know and will never forget that almost state. when you were about to make things change. i hate that feeling.

i almost didn't hit "publish". . .
xx-Hails