something like goodbye

why doesn't life fix itself and change on its own?
why does the wind change?
why don't friends remember to tell you when they change?
why does the wind go away in the summer?
why isn't happiness growing on trees and growing fruitfully?

people change and forget to tell us. that sentence has been going on and on in my head for the longest time and i can't seem to figure out the truth. the answer. why do people change without telling their closest of friends. why do they make choices and forget to inform us, the ones that care so much, the ones that put effort into helping them become who they are today. or rather who they were. changing is easy. now i remember very well writing the post explaining how change is the hardest thing in the world and how i despise it. however, since then much about me has changed and all of my perspective on life has appeared differently. everything since then has been nothing but an amazing journey to where i am today. loving change and encouraging people to change if they don't like themselves. because really isn't that all we do everyday? change coffee flavors, change clothes, change our minds on projects, change our thoughts about the days to come, change our views on people, WE CHANGE. and that's okay. embrace it and love every piece on that change.

which is why i changed. why i am changing everyday and continuing to do so. why i will no longer be posting here. is to change my messy life and story. i'm changing and i hope you continue with me on this journey. i love you and you can continue to follow at this new blog:
http://becominghailey.blogspot.com/

xoxo-
hailey :)

lost . personal

friends, people you can COUNT ON for anything. help, advice, love, hugs, shoulders to cry on. they are supposed to help you through the rough times and when you make it through they stay with you, realize that, that made your friendship stronger.

 when you finish a hardship, all i want to do is celebrate with my friends that hep me through. i can't do that. i dont get the happy, laughing friend that she was. i dont get any of her smiles. i dont get to be there for her when she needs it. and she wont be there for me. it is over. she has made it clear as day that she doesn't like me. WOW, still getting used to saying and seeing that written. it still stings and will for a longest time. for now, all i can do is hide. hide my tears, sadness, & anger. i can only blame myself for the things that she believes i did. i rushed it. i skipped the fun parts of a friendship and jumped in, fast. she wasn't ready and scared of everything i needed help with. i frightened her & she ran away faster than i thought she would. i didn't want this. didnt plan this hurt & sorrow. hope your days are brighter, happier, & better than my days.

:) xoxo, hails

mistakes & worries | reality.

so today, i want to write a a post{this post} about worried & mistakes. some advice, i guess, could be taken from this. mostly me sharing & explaining recent life moments. :)

while life goes on for everyone else, my life seems like it stays still for days on end. it hurts to stay in the past & not want to move ot do anything. it is challenging to walk this road alone. working on my "image" of myself & how others see & hear things from me. i want to be heard & seen in a beautiful light from everyone. it IS true you must love yourself and see yourself in a beautiful light before you can expect others to see you that way. it will be tricky but we can all make it through. i chose to walk that road alone. i am choosing to talk to god daily, to pray & think about others constantly, i am choosing to look at myself in the mirror and say 'you chose the right thing, you can only be the best you can be today. i believe in you, i am always here for you.' sometimes you just have to depend on yourself for support and love.

when you make a mistake it becomes harder and harder to look at yourself and say that to yourself. and mean it. you have to have courage and strength to wake up and keep going on to the next day & the next issue. you can do it. you can get over the boulder. you can do it all. you have all you need. there are sometimes when you have struggles and hardships but you always have all the love & care you need. it is all there. you may not see it or feel it but someone out there in this BIG beautiful world loves you. never forget that. 

once, you move forward and forget the lies, tears, loss', you can move on and you can be a better you. everyday we are building and becoming stronger & more good at being ourselfs. some days you will find it hard to look at yourself, you may be ashamed, you may just be sad, but i am telling you that the pain makes it that much more worth it.i know what you are thinking, 'what?! is she crazy?!' the answer is yes, yes i am crazy. but for me it is like running. when i feel the pain & want to stop, that is when i get the best rush to keep going & keep running faster. the pain makes me want to go further to rid the pain.

i hope that makes sense. i know you can all wake up for the day & believe that you truly are beautiful, gorgeous, smart, & loved.

xx-hails.

the almost . happenings

{i don't think any of you will read all my nonsense... if you do, i love you!}

 

you know when you walk away from something or someone, and you almost do something or say something? you know that feeling of regret or sadness because you didn't say or do it? 

i am calling it the "state" of almost. that moment right after or before it almost happens. at first you get butterflies, you want it. you think it will be good and fine after it occurs. then it doesn't happen. you walk away and realize that you did all that worrying all that thinking all for noting to happen. you realize that all your anxiety over the tiniest thing was all for nothing.  you figure you will get the chance again. to say it or do it. to kiss them. to say "i love you". to hug. to love. to celebrate. to be everything you ever wanted to be with them. you figure you have all this time. you think you have tomorrow. you think you can just pick up the phone and call them in the morning. you think that tomorrow you will get your second chance.

i have come to realize, the hard way, that you dont always get a second chance. sometimes it is just that one moment. sometimes it is just that one time that you will get to do or say it. once it is gone, you never will get it back. you are what you are. you did waht you could but deep down you know and will never forget that almost state. when you were about to make things change. i hate that feeling.

i almost didn't hit "publish". . .
xx-Hails

what i am | a dreamer.

 {excuse the bad words...this is mine&my dad's favorite song right now!! haha :) we so funny....}

i am a dreamer of many things, possible & impossible. blessed to be here today. i am who i am because of my three closest friends: carrie, kristen, paola. {in fact my mother asked me today in the car who my four closest friends were... i thought of those three girls & stopped, and said "they are my best, closest, & most loveable friends." they mean the world to me. without them... i am nothing special. }they touch my heart everyday with their strength, hope, love, & compassion. i wish them only the best in life. a few other things you may not know about me.....

me.

i write love letters to a boy i have never met.

i fall so easily in love.

then get easily hurt.

i spend long nights crying.

i remember every memory that is special to me.

i cherish the rainy days.

i love the clouds above.

i feel love everyday.

i wish i could drive.

because if i could i would leave.

camping makes me excited.

music makes me cry.

i know i already met one of many loves of my life.

i know what i know because Jesus told me so.

i am a follower, love, & believer in God.

i will stand up for what i believe in.

i will not be ignored.

i speak my mind.

i am blessed.

i have trust issues.

i can not make up my mind fast.

i love my sister more than she will ever know.

i am hopeful that tomorrow will be better.

i only try things once, unless i like it..then i do it again.

i am a soccer lover.

i would happily take a bullet for: my mom, dad, sister, dog, my family, carrie, kristen, paola, & melissa.

me.

just a few facts about me. i  hope you have a better understanding of my, hailey aliamus', life&beliefs&hopes&dreams.

xx-hails

beautiful kindness .

when he kissed my check, i melted. i felt so wanted & needed. he makes me feel that way, daily. he makes me think about the little things in life. the beauty of a little peck on the check, or the sweetness of a good-bye hug. loving him makes me better. makes me feel beautiful. things i have never felt before. knowing him makes me a better person. such a young boy can make such a BIG impact on my life..... it isn't crazy, right?

"you mean the world to me. never leaving my side at the sight of my terrible side. i feel blessed to see your beautiful eyes everyday. loving you makes me blush..."
"these past few days have been tough but, we made it darling..."
"tears drop on my notes.
notes of love, hope, memories.
the thought of leaving you forever.
now that is impossible.
it wont happen.
ever.
tear drops on my notes."
"i love you more than you will ever know my sweet girl."
"blessed to know you, lucky to have met you."
"you have become my world.."
"crazy girl, don't you know that i miss you? i wouldn't dream of leaving you alone. hopeful that you feel the same. you know the real me. i know the real you. dreams collide and make a beautifully crazy reality. you are my crazy girl..."
"worst fear: you forgetting it all.."

it is crazy, the feeling of having and holding someone and one day they are gone. it is crazy, loving someone so much that when they leave you still love them as you always did. it is crazy, living this beautiful life...

knowing you know kristen and have her as a friend makes it easier to breathe, literally. she always reminds me to breathe & be positive. two best lessons anyone could teach. she makes me put everything in perspective, changing my outlook on life, boys, & my own beauty. helping me through the tough days in my life. changing my future & loving my past. being confident that i will forever be loved and cared for.

never give up, there is always someone that loves you & would miss you terribly. you just have to find you happiness & stick with it. living you life to its fullest. crying as hard as you want, just make sure you never cry about it again. knowing you are blessed with life and love, for that is all you need to succeed. :)

dear monday .

My monday letters to things, people, places that I saw today. . .

dear NIGHT LIGHTS, i love you to the moon and back. the walk tonight with my family was beautifully crazy{more on that later}. you shine so bright. i love all your colors and beautifulnees from up on the hill. sincerely, hailey.

dear BLOG, please help me keep up with you. remind me to be patient with the comments and replies. remind me to appreciate you and feel how grateful i am for you. you make the hard dasy easier and the best days better. i love looking back on everything, good, bad, and fun! thank you for being my blog! sincerely, hailey.

dear HAIR, i love you so much. i know many women that don't get to have beautiful long or short hair. i love you so much. someday i don't like the way you style yourself but, i am forever grateful for you and your craziness. sincerely, hailey.

dear PINTEREST, i love you more than ever right now. you help me organize my future life and my words that help me through all the way to my wardrobe. you never disappoint. it is the simply things that i love about you. sincerely, hailey.

dear SOPHOMORE YEAR, you bring me great sadness, love, hope, and most importantly change. i am happy to change with you, to learn with you and feel your strength make me stronger. i am beginning to feel more and more safe day after day. i wish somethings wouldn't be as hard or as sad but we can make it through together. sincerely, hailey.

dear YOU | Jennifer Lawrence, thank you for being beautifully you. i look up to you so much. more than any usual fan of hunger games. i want you be as strong, confident, and beautiful as you. thank you for being such an inspiring women. sincerely, hailey.

dear MYSELF, you are a strong girl. you can do anything that you set your mind to. Nate will come back and you will be happy soon. i promise, darling. keep your head up. stay strong and never forget to be wonderfully and uncommonly unique because you are one-of-a-kind. sincerely, hailey. :)

Ahola

Sadly this will be my last post for a while. I am going to Hawai'i for a week & then Thanksgiving!!!

I WILL LEAVE YOU BEAUTIFUL GIRLS WITH THIS:

 

 

 

 Stay strong throughout everything that happens while I am one, I am just a call away but, I will be back soon!

Change in thought.....Change in heart | Life lately

In life there are ups & downs. You have to get through the downs & tears in order to celebrate the ups & laughter. When something bad happens we almost always go straight to thinking, 'nothing will ever be the same, ever again' And yes, sometimes that is true. We also have to think about how some changes can be for the better. We need to take the pain & tears & change them for the better. Make people believe that you can get through it & you can. You just need a little love & hope along the way. I am not saying it will be an easy road, I know it will be bumpy & rough but, everybody has times like this. Times where you have no one to turn to & times where you just feel alone. Everyone can get through them, all you need is to keep your head held high & never forget to breathe. 

This has been heavy on my heart lately, the thought that with just one action or reaction everything can change. To be honest, it scares me. I really have a hard time changing this about myself or about how i do things. My life is filled with flaws & that is how i like it. I never once thought that I would be in the position to have to change a big or small part of my life. I know that changing any part would be hard for me to grasp. I guess the thing that hurts the most is that I am/was told i had to change. {I know I should change this & I have thought about it before but, I am not ready for anything to change. I know it MIGHT help me but, that can be a BIG risk.} I like to change over time, slowly so then it doesn't feel much like a change. 

Source: 29.media.tumblr.com via Hailey on Pinterest

I always go back to this^, keep going! You have to keep going. No matter what there will always be a group of people, family & friends, there for you at the end & during the bumpy road. You never give up & show everyone that you can do it. Anything you put your mind to, you can do! You just need a little love! <3

I think the tough part for me will be the memories, not the good bye. There can be good in any good bye. I have no doubt that it will be hard that day but, all the memories that come back to me will hurt more than ever. When I have them I can almost guarantee that I will cry. But I will always remember that I need to keep going & that everyone has a rough road sometime in there lifes.

Source: Uploaded by user via Hailey on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Hailey on Pinterest

Never give up on yourself....

UGH . loveandhate {200}

I am just in LOVE with photography...everyone says I need to take more photos and post them...I really really want to but, I HATE that I don't have any little or even older siblings that are just down the hall....I can picture having them & photographing them but.....it is just not going to happen...Because, let me tell you, I would probably have some awesome photos of the little ones.....but for now I will settle with a few lifestyle shots{daily} & the occasional photo shoots with Angie bug......OH YEAH! and the very very rare chance of getting a photo shoot with Melissa! <3 {like today!}
[these are some of the photos I get inspired by]

 But, I am so excited today!! I am having a picnic with my sister & maybe even slip in a few updated photos! But, before that I am dieing a little strip of my hair red! I can't wait..I have seen two people with it and I was going to do it before but now!!! I really want to. So, I AM GOING FOR IT! Hope you are all having a fabulous week!
[will do a update post very soon & y'all the last post was the 200TH POST!!!]