CrossYourFingers | the truth about her
-A book I am writing.
Real Names.
Love.
Beautiful.
Scary.
Ch.1 "Mr.Hotty"
It was only one year ago. I remember every detail. I was so young. So naive. They told me I lost her & I needed her. I should probably go back to the beginning. One last summer before she left....forever.
I was 13. And I remember everything.
***
"Just do it! Come on!!" Kayle yelled from the bathroom.
"No! I wont! It is too scary, besides they probably will call the cops." I told Kay, as I walked over to her.
"Fine. If you dont then I will." She flashed a smirk my way. Then spun around trying to ask if she looked hot enough to be going over to the Smith's, her neighbors, & flashing their house. I couldn't believe that our night was ending in Kay making a complete fool of herself. It wasn't going to go well.
"You look slutty. Let's be honest, you don't have enough clothes on & you look like a classy stripper." I had hoped telling her those things would make her want to back out & forget about this whole thing. I had to add the "classy" part in because she didn't look THAT bad.
"Great! Let's go, before Jake decides to go to bed. Now hurry up and put on your outfit!" She glanced over to the silver glittery dress laid out on her king size bed. It was beautiful but, not really me. I loved the dress, dont get me wrong, but it just seemed to crazy. Besides I was already cozy in my PJs; no need to change into something I might freeze to death in.
"No, you go & I will watch from your window." I had hoped Kay would be okay with me missing out on the big boob flashing. She was so excited to do it, I didn't want to make her not go.
"Just do it!! It wont be the same without you!" Just do it was like Kay's moto. She always told everyone just do it. It was okay...sometimes.
"I can't. I'd feel bad & have to tell Ben in the morning. Something that isn't the easiest thing to explain..." I could tell Ben everything, ever since kindergarten, we were practically dating. I just couldn't live with myself doing this, I would hate to show my "goodies" to Jake before Ben & I were even really dating.
"Ok. Suit yourself, I will be back. Watch my back, just kidding!" Kay laughed as he jumped out her bedroom window. She always chooses the hardest way out. It scared me every time.
As she went out to give a free showing to Jake, I realized why she was doing it. She wanted to get caught. She wanted to be in trouble. Her parents had been really tense lately & everyone was on edge, when they were around them. She wanted something to bring them back together, not that they were getting a divorce. They had been the perfect couple ever since high school, they were the real inseparable. I knew that I couldn't stop her, she was too determined. When she wanted something she got it. I knew that personally.
"Weren't you cold? Kay, are you crying?" I helped Kaylee back into her room. She had tears streaming down her face. She was frozen & scared. I could tell by the look in her eyes. I was beginning to get scared for her.
"I am fine. Hailey, you should have come. It was great." She swallowed her tears, I could still hear the sadness in her voice.
"Kaylee, you don't need to hide anything from me. Now, tell me what happened out there?" I was really concerned. She wasn't ever this closed off, she was always up front & very honest.
"I was just doing my 'dance' & I saw it. It hurt me."
"What hurt you? Who? Kaylee, what did you see??!" My voice was filled with fear & worry.
"Josh."
pause "Paison."
pause "Kiss." She was devistated by the so called "emotions" between Josh & Paison. I knew she wouldn't be okay for a while. I reached out & hugged her. I held her tight. For the first time I felt like she needed me, rather than me needing her.
"Oh Kaylee. It will be ok. Just wait, it takes time. I know you are more experienced in these things but, I am here. I love you, Kay. You are my big sister. And I am not going anywhere." Those were just a few things I knew she would say to me if I was her.
After about two hours of cuddling with Kaylee, we moved on to the chocolate part of the devastating night. It was like we didn't even have to think about the process. By the time I was half way into my freshman year, I knew exactly why we did it this way. You needed big hugs & lots of tears before you ever moved onto the chocolate & silence. We knew that is what we both needed in times like this. When things simply didn't go as we planned them. It hurt a lot thinking, at such a young age, that you would plan a beautiful thing to happen and then it didn't. It wouldn't work. Not one piece of it. Now, I look back & laugh. We were so naive to even think that we would have chances with these guys & chances with a good future. You never know what will happen tomorrow, or even in the next hour. You just to hold on tight. And let go of what you can't change.
Took me almost a year to figure that one out.
We had already gone through two cartons of chocolate & fudge ice cream when Ben called. I walked myself out Kay's bedroom into the bathroom.
"Hey, is it important? There is kind of a crisis over here with Kaylee." I said before he could even sneak one word in.
"Um, yeah it is. But what is going on over there?" he sounded hesitant. He always worried about us girls & our feelings.
"What is it? Nothing just a boy. Stupid, Josh! UGH! I hate that guy, such a butt!"
"Oh, he is. Kaylee shouldn't waste her time on a guy like him. He is just rude & he doesn't care about anybody but himself. Kaylee deserves a better guy like, Matt. Now that was a stand up guy." I could hear someone screaming in the backround.
"What was that? Is everyone ok? Ben, just tell me. I can be over in seconds." I made myself sound urgent. (Kaylee lived just down the street from Ben. It was very good from situations like this.)
"Well, we were just running around the house & playing tag. You know like we usually do. And....Well..." his voice began to trail off.
"What?!! Is Nate okay?" I began to get louder. (Nate was my age; sweet, cute, & super off limits. Nate was the only one home with Ben. Everyone else was out with his parents for a party.)
"Well, he took a nasty fall down the stairs. Don't worry, only a little blood & just some pain.." He sounded off.
"I am coming over, right now!"
"What about Kaylee? She needs you, remember???!"
"Well, I can tell her about it and then I will be over in five minutes." I hung up before Ben could talk me out of going over. I ran over to Ben's house after 3 minutes of convicing Kaylee that she didn't need to come with.
"So where is he?" I opened the door to Ben just about ready to pour out tears. "You okay? Look a little pale & sad...Ben?" He wasn't himself.
"He is in the living room. It was so scary."
"It will be ok." I walked Ben over to the mud room & sat him down. Got him a glass of water & left him to calm down. With Ben, that was the best thing to do. I walked into the living room. I suddenly saw him, laughing at the movie he had on.
"Hey, how are you doing?"
"Good. Better than Ben. Man he is really sensitive, isn't he?" Nate, really didn't want me to answer yes, then he would be forever known as the boy with the sissy for a brother.
"Yes, he can be. But, not with me around. I will whip him into shape," We both giggled. "So what happened, anyway?" Nate began to explain how he fell down the new wooden stairs to the basement.
"Ouch, dude. No more running around the staircases!" I nudged him & giggled a little.
"Sorry. Hailey, will Ben be okay?" Just like a perfect, concerned, little brother; Nate was perfect.
"Yes, I will go check on him in a minute. Do you need anything else?"
"Just some chill pills," They actually had a pill that would relax the little kids when they were too crazy at night. I thought he was for real. I began to walk over to the cabinet when suddenly..."Cause you so damn hot! Owww!" we both busted, laughing. I did a little dance for him. Then ran back into the mud room. Ben was just laying there, in silence.
"Hey, how are you doing? Nate is okay, his good ole' self." I waited for, what felt like 20 minutes.
"I am okay. Can you give me a few more minutes?"
"Are you sure, I can..." Ben cut me off
"Hailey, please. I need this." He looked up at me, I knew.
Ben was a guy who wasn't afraid to show some of his emotions. He had already shown me all his emotions before. I knew the signs. I knew to leave that room before he started. I couldn't even imagine what had happened that made him this way. It worried me. Something had happened right after or before Nate got hurt. I began walking back out into the living room.
"Hey Nate, you want to watch a movie?"
"Um...." He jestered to the flat screen on the wall.
"Oh right. Sorry, totally forgot." I sat really close to him on the couch that was the size of a california king bed.
"Are you okay?"
"Um..." I wasn't sure what to say.
"Oh Hails, don't freak out on me too. You know that I can barely take care of Ben like this." He was practically crossing his fingers that I wasn't really doing that right there & then.
"I am sorry. I can't handle this." I began to cry. I walked away & sent a text.
'To: Kaylee
Message: I am going to spend the night here. Is that ok? Nate needs me. Thanks for understanding. I will be over in the morning for my stuff. We can finish tomorrow. I am really sorry.'
"Hailey," Nate limped over to me in the main hallway. "No need to be sorry. What happened?" He suddenly became super understanding & no more 'your butt is fine' jokes. Just us, the real us.
"I can't deal with Ben's ups & downs. I need stability. I can't fight for his attention with those other girls. Your neighborhood is filled with beautiful & hot girls. Why would he want a girl like me. Why would he choose me to be as close with me as we are?"
"Because, You were there for him. You are his rock. You don't seem to notice how he turns away from those girls & looks at you with that special look. He stares at your photos all night long & listens to Taylor Swift 'our song' Waiting for you. He would wait a million years for you to be ready." Nate said. I could tell he had promised Ben that he wouldn't tell me any of that.
"Really? I mean I noticed him not looking at them but, I thought it was just when I was around. Wow, this changes everything." I couldn't believe what he old me. It was like I saw Ben & his pain in a whole new way.
"Ya, I guess it does. I shouldn't have said anything. Sorry." He sounded upset with himself. Like he had something he held back.
"No that meant everything to me!!! Thanks, babe! Nate do you need anything before i take you up stairs to your room? Or do you want to stay in the living room tonight?"
long pause "Uh? Babe, Nate? Don't leave me!!!? Yo! Noel Nate Mhire!"
"Uh, yes. No nothing. I am ready for bed."
"Ok, if you say so. Let's go, babe." We walked up stairs & hopped down the long hallway into his master sized room. He limped over to his bed & sat down. I stepped outside his room, "Let me know if you need help, I will be right out here." He couldn't move his arm or leg very well, so just to take precaution I waited outside until he was done. I shut the door.
"Hailey! I need some help." He screamed from his bedside. I opened the door with my eyes closed.
"Can I open? I can't really help you without seeing, ya know?"
"Ya, sure. I don't really care." I opened my eyes to a new side of Nate. He was standing in his boxers without anything else on. He skin glowed with a light tan. He had the cutest six pack ever, I stared at everything. It was all a new side of who I thought was just Ben's little brother. (Who, yes, I called babe from time to time.)
"Wow! Hello Nate!" I said. I couldn't believe it, that was supposed to be just a thought to myself!
"What?! Hailey, please stop. You are making me blush. Sheesh!" He was still standing there without clothes on.
"Sorry but wow. Seriously, I should have seen this while we were swimming. Ow!" We both laughed a little.
"Hailey, focus!! I need clothes!" His lazy attempt to get me to help...didn't work.
"No you don't!" I began to get the crazy feeling of liking Nate.
"Please, I am getting cold! Hailey!"
"Okay, fine. But, you owe me one!"
"What?!? If anything you owe me!" I started to laugh but, then quickly stopped. He wasn't kidding. I pulled his T-shirt & sweats onto him.
"Fine, but not now. Later." I walked out of the room & clicked the hall light on. " Good night, hotty." I whispered to myself. Walked away with my fingers crossed. Hoping the day I would have to give him what he gave me would be soon....very soon.
