hawaii final days . travel

{ you guys can all come at me with pitch forks & fire, i am sorry that i forgot my big promise. i am keeping the promise but doing it a different day... sorry lovely people..}

so instead of doing different posts and lost of descirbtion from each day, because who am i kidding i dont have time for that right now in my life, i am posting the YouTube video & some highlights of the last days.....so here we go!

day 3...

lei making at in our condo community....

sunset...

day 4...

exploring the towns....

Night out!!! So fun we stapled a dollar to the roof! It says the Aliamus project!! It was delicious and so fun!! First time eating fish and chips

day 5....

warm beaches & pink toes...

my own take home squishy... :)

day exploring...

day 6....

most beautiful beach photo.. <3

sending & receiving love from all... :)

day 7....

sunset & painted churches..

the whole day in review: packed and left kona, beaches, turtles, rainbow falls, volcano adventure, chocolate candies, rainforest walk, volcano lava tube walk, lots of driving.

day 8...

last half day in Hawaii..Starbucks nut factory, driving, air plane, reading book & notes, Taylor swift music, Starbucks, air plane #2, sunset, bus, Bart, car, home sweet home!!!!

hope this is a good distribution & explanation for my absence & hawaii trip!! haha... thanks for understanding! :)

xoxo-Hails

promise . blog life

{oh yea, my favorite songs....been on replay all week!!}

with my whole heart, i know that i will not sleep until these promises are complete. okay, so i know that i have been slacking in a few areas of my blog!! i know i never finished my books, nor do i continue to write them here {note. i do have them written in a notebook however, i never got area to putting them up. i am still piecing together parts of them...} also, i haven't been able to finish many "draft" posts that i never posted. also, photography blog is lacking sessions that were so fun & cute i should have posted them a while ago!! although, my site is up-to-date. nothing else, seems, like it is. sometimes i wish i could click a button and refresh and update my life.. :) but, we all know that can't happen. i will do all those unfinished, unposted, and everything in between starting tomorrow morning! and will not stop until i have finished all the single posts, hawaii stories, two chapters in each book, and start my new one. i love you, beauties and hope you will forgive my absense of following through with my stories & posts... thanks you for petience & kind words. 

xoxo-Hails

small sentences . personal

the little, small, tiny, petite sentences & words have the most meaning behind them. and when you put ten or eleven of them together, you have something so breathe-taking it's crazy. one little sentence that i have used way too much over this last year is 'i am sorry'. i have sent it every and any form you can think of. i've said it in letters, emails, texts, fb messages, on posters, on facetimes, in videos, in songs, poems, yearbooks, tumblr, my blog. and i think i need to stop. i should say sorry for my actions, i have good reasons for doing them & shouldn't be second guessing my every word & thought. i shouldn't have to or even need to say sorry for anything i did, anytime. some people just dont get that i made the choices i made because if i didn't i wouldn't be who i am today. i wouldn't be as strong, happy, & proud of my self as i am today. i wouldn't be excited about all the challenges that will come towards the end of summer. i wouldn't be ready to take on everything God gives me. i wouldn't be happy right now. my knowledge & scars from the past can only make me strong & mold me into the person i will become.

i am not sorry for the things i said or the things i thought or even did. i have choosen the lessons & morals i wanted to learn. :) thank you all for baring with me through my, 'i am sorry's.thank you for helping me learn my lessons & guiding me to my true self. 

thank you, carrie for guiding me through my tears, laughs, & smiles. thank you for sharing your knowledge & love when everything went blurry. <3 you are truely the best friend & sister anyone could ask for.

xoxo love love love-Hails

friends for summer . Personal

There comes a time in a friendship that I begin to worry. I literally cry and panic that they hate me. It scares me that they don’t reply like they used to. Then they say they don’t hate me but I still feel the same. Just one more reason why summer isn’t fun… It gives them time to forget me and forget all our memories. While I sit there scared, anxious, & drowning in tears. Hurts me more than they know.

sophomore year . school life

so i barely slid by sophomore year making it out with friends & loving teachers still in my corner! crazy life and year but, i know i did my hardest & try everything i could to do good & achieve greatness. but we all know that this school year didn't go off without a hitch.. let's be real!!! i wanted to write this to inform you all about the "behind-the-scenes" stuff & for me to reflect on the year good's & bad's. 

{part I. overall emotions} SOPHOMORE year... if i had to sum it up in one word it would be change. it feels as if all that happened over the year changed something about me. my love, my hope, my faith, my curiosity, my heart, my body, my choices... and some changes were good and others hurt & took time for me to adjust and remeber that in the end beauty would be restored into my life and my heart. although, i am still waiting for some "flowers" to bloom inside i know that they are right around the corner. high school is sucky. that is all i can say. so far i have lost so many people & so many beautiful things that i don't know how to go on some days. it hurts my heart more and more every time that i sit down and give my mind a chance to comprehend it all. i hate it.

{part II. letting people in} when you finally realize that life is too hard and the road your own can't be walked alone you let people in. you skip all the 'getting to know you' stuff, with people, & you tell them everything you find someone beautiful, lovely, kind, & honest and you just let it out in a way that you never thought you could! then you go into a downward spiral...they don't care anymore, they don't want to help, it all becomes too much for them to handle. so they leave, they hurt in a different way than you, but they still do. they take the easy way out & forget about all you told them. turn it into lies & just a bunch of *you know what*. it hurts you more because you're all alone again. so you cry for night on end...

{part III. finding love & then loosing it} you find that one guy who understand you who you trust with all your heart...then your friend finds out and starts wondering if he is even an 'okay' guy for you to have in your life. once she finds out what he did to you last weekend, he needs to be killed. but, it is hard to say good bye because he needs you & you need him. you're not sure how to go on with his 'love' & companionship. so, you ignore your friends warnings & your friends thoughts about him. it turns out shes right, you shouldn't be with him or even within 100 yards of him. love? could i even be in love at the young age of 16!! you know i though love was supposed to be beautiful & secret between too beings. something they shared alone. i don't know, something special.. they she sends you a text, a week after you and her both start to think you really are in love with him, saying that "you need to move on, stop thinking about him, lose his emails, & email password. just forget about him, it won't be easy but it will be worth it. you deserve better." so you do, and she it there every step of the way. {thanks becca! the BEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL, & AMAZING junior ever!!! along with the AWESOMELY NICE kat!}

xoxo -Hails

soon to come..... {part IV. finding hope} {part V. friends forever} {part VI. ending the year on a pretty note}

i know it's late... Personal

i know it's late and it's cold outside.  I know that I am different. I know that I changed. I wouldn't have gone outside and just say there for  ten minutes just crying. I wouldn't have ha to look at myself in the mirror and seriously ask 'why?'   It is all done and over with but I am different and literally can't find myself. 

I'm stuck. 

human . friends

we as humans need to take care of each other and our self's. we need to take responsibility for the choices we make as humans. it needs to be known to our man-kind that when we do things and make these choices that we follow through. somethings have risks, you need to know them and be ready for any or all of them to happen. you need to know that it is your responsibility to take care of those human mistakes and believe that you can. i know that if you made that choice that you will continue to take care of it. it is very important to educate yourself before doing anything, yes it may sound paranoid and make everything seem scary but, i want you to be ware of what could happen. some risks are beautiful, great, fabulous, even. you need to choose your challenges & pick your risks. 

as humans we aren't perfect, we lie, we cry, we do stupid things, we make mistakes...we are only human!! so if someone tries to make you feel bad because you did something wrong and made a mistake, i bet they have down something worse or at least the same mistake. it sucks when people look at you and judge that you did one silly mistake in your life. it is OKAY to make mistakes.

it is hard to choose those battles and make those "advanced" decisions about people. you shouldn't see a 16 year old pregnant and judge them just on the fact that they have a baby inside them. it is so mean. you need take a step back & check yourself... dont judge someone you don't know. you don't know their story, you don't know their life, you really have no right to judge them by one thing you see on the outside...as humans we need to help each other guide each other, love each other!

xoxo-Hails

the REAL meaning of love from becca . friends

"To believe that I know what real love is all about at such a young age would be such a silly thing of my to say However, I can tell you what i feel within my own relationship.

What I feel for him has never gone away since we first met. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but there was definitely a connection. We clicked. Something was automatically there, almost like it was waiting to be found.
It was there even when I didn’t want it to be. And that brought me pain like no other. I’d like to think love is when two people would give everything they have for one another. It’s about two people putting in equal effort to make the relationship work, no matter how difficult it is. Love is when you two can tell each other anything openly, and still love them.
Love is felt when you look into each others eyes, and you start crying because you’re so happy to be with them.
I love my boyfriend. Maybe I don’t know everything about love, but I know I love him. Love isn’t easy. It’s work. But it’s so worth it"

-becca :)

when i read her response to one of my anon questions, no lie, i sat their crying. i cried over how all the sudden i realized that what she has i want. i want to be loved like that. i want someone whwhere when we are together alone we cry because we are just so happy together. i love to see my friends with their nice boyfriends. holding hands, hugging, kissing, even, their heads just seem to seamlessly fit together like God made them that way for each other. i also have to be honest, a am not afriad of a lot. i will cry at school on the floor, i will go on any roller coast {within reason}, i will do just about anything, i love to go crazy & just do something i haven't tried, diving feet first. the one things that never fails to frighten me & make me stop in my steps, love. love is horrifying thing. YES becca makes is sound beautiful & so peaceful & don't get me wrong it probably is but, i just can't fall for someone that i date. i honestly don't see myself getting asked out or even told that a guy likes me. i don't see me dating anyone for a year or two like many people already have. i don't enjoy being hurt by people and then having to see them everyday & feel that same pain daily.. it will go away but, honestly i am still waiting.

we all remember ben right? well he hurt me, in many many ways & we didn't even date. he loved me, he was my closets thing to love & happines with any guy. i don't want to be that close and loose again. i sound so paranoid when i say these things about love because HELLO!!!! i have no special guy in my life & wont for a while... i am not trying to bring myself down & i am not trying to be mean to myself i just need to know that i will be fine without any guy. it is crazy because i re-read ben's letters daily. i don't cry anymore but i still feel and wonder "what if..?" every time i read the one sentence..

"...when we are together it is like the 4th of july, christmas, our birthdays, & memorial day weekend ;) put together. i feel like i am on top of the world. i want to feel it everyday. i want to see your smile everyday...."

i always wonder what if he didn't crash? what if he didn't leave? what if we stayed together that night? what if it happened? when all those hings and days come rushing back all i can do is smile. {tears used to come, smiles replace them now...} the feeling of his hand gently touching my shoudler, slowly moving up and down. the breeze quietly flowing throughout the beach. just one touch can change a lot, that is what i learned that day. midnight runs never failed to keep us laughing. ben did suggest ONCE to go streaking but, i opted out and nate wouldn't do it either. however, skinny dipping was never off the table.... ;)

my point: love is beautiful, crazy, emotional, confusing, & everything becca said, becca is beautiful, smart, lovely, & so sweet!

xoxo-hails

p.s. here's a little secret between you and i, okay? in the end all was off & we went crazy in the moonlight...

nervously awaiting . personal

an oldie but youve never seen...

 

not going to lie to you guys and put up a short post about how excited i am about my first driving lesson or about how it will be a breeze because i have already driven on the "real" roads....

i am a nervous reck. i have tons of knots in my stomach. i am finding it hard to blog while being so nervous. i don't want to do something wrong or forget everything my daddy taught me. i can't handle this pressure & all these nerves!!!! GO AWAY!! i just want the two hours to be easy and go off without a hitch. i don't want the lady to use her little brake thingy every time we stop. i just want ease. i got a good nights sleep, semi... it is hard to sleep after an old friend comes over and tells you some BIG news. {she had to spend the night, too..} i know i will worry about her all day while driving. i know that this lesson can be easy, i shouldn't be THIS freaked. i can do this. breathe.

thanks for letting me talk about this.... haha love you all! pray for us on the road!! :)

xoxo-Hails