the REAL meaning of love from becca . friends

"To believe that I know what real love is all about at such a young age would be such a silly thing of my to say However, I can tell you what i feel within my own relationship.

What I feel for him has never gone away since we first met. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but there was definitely a connection. We clicked. Something was automatically there, almost like it was waiting to be found.
It was there even when I didn’t want it to be. And that brought me pain like no other. I’d like to think love is when two people would give everything they have for one another. It’s about two people putting in equal effort to make the relationship work, no matter how difficult it is. Love is when you two can tell each other anything openly, and still love them.
Love is felt when you look into each others eyes, and you start crying because you’re so happy to be with them.
I love my boyfriend. Maybe I don’t know everything about love, but I know I love him. Love isn’t easy. It’s work. But it’s so worth it"

-becca :)

when i read her response to one of my anon questions, no lie, i sat their crying. i cried over how all the sudden i realized that what she has i want. i want to be loved like that. i want someone whwhere when we are together alone we cry because we are just so happy together. i love to see my friends with their nice boyfriends. holding hands, hugging, kissing, even, their heads just seem to seamlessly fit together like God made them that way for each other. i also have to be honest, a am not afriad of a lot. i will cry at school on the floor, i will go on any roller coast {within reason}, i will do just about anything, i love to go crazy & just do something i haven't tried, diving feet first. the one things that never fails to frighten me & make me stop in my steps, love. love is horrifying thing. YES becca makes is sound beautiful & so peaceful & don't get me wrong it probably is but, i just can't fall for someone that i date. i honestly don't see myself getting asked out or even told that a guy likes me. i don't see me dating anyone for a year or two like many people already have. i don't enjoy being hurt by people and then having to see them everyday & feel that same pain daily.. it will go away but, honestly i am still waiting.

we all remember ben right? well he hurt me, in many many ways & we didn't even date. he loved me, he was my closets thing to love & happines with any guy. i don't want to be that close and loose again. i sound so paranoid when i say these things about love because HELLO!!!! i have no special guy in my life & wont for a while... i am not trying to bring myself down & i am not trying to be mean to myself i just need to know that i will be fine without any guy. it is crazy because i re-read ben's letters daily. i don't cry anymore but i still feel and wonder "what if..?" every time i read the one sentence..

"...when we are together it is like the 4th of july, christmas, our birthdays, & memorial day weekend ;) put together. i feel like i am on top of the world. i want to feel it everyday. i want to see your smile everyday...."

i always wonder what if he didn't crash? what if he didn't leave? what if we stayed together that night? what if it happened? when all those hings and days come rushing back all i can do is smile. {tears used to come, smiles replace them now...} the feeling of his hand gently touching my shoudler, slowly moving up and down. the breeze quietly flowing throughout the beach. just one touch can change a lot, that is what i learned that day. midnight runs never failed to keep us laughing. ben did suggest ONCE to go streaking but, i opted out and nate wouldn't do it either. however, skinny dipping was never off the table.... ;)

my point: love is beautiful, crazy, emotional, confusing, & everything becca said, becca is beautiful, smart, lovely, & so sweet!

xoxo-hails

p.s. here's a little secret between you and i, okay? in the end all was off & we went crazy in the moonlight...