the almost . happenings

{i don't think any of you will read all my nonsense... if you do, i love you!}

 

you know when you walk away from something or someone, and you almost do something or say something? you know that feeling of regret or sadness because you didn't say or do it? 

i am calling it the "state" of almost. that moment right after or before it almost happens. at first you get butterflies, you want it. you think it will be good and fine after it occurs. then it doesn't happen. you walk away and realize that you did all that worrying all that thinking all for noting to happen. you realize that all your anxiety over the tiniest thing was all for nothing.  you figure you will get the chance again. to say it or do it. to kiss them. to say "i love you". to hug. to love. to celebrate. to be everything you ever wanted to be with them. you figure you have all this time. you think you have tomorrow. you think you can just pick up the phone and call them in the morning. you think that tomorrow you will get your second chance.

i have come to realize, the hard way, that you dont always get a second chance. sometimes it is just that one moment. sometimes it is just that one time that you will get to do or say it. once it is gone, you never will get it back. you are what you are. you did waht you could but deep down you know and will never forget that almost state. when you were about to make things change. i hate that feeling.

i almost didn't hit "publish". . .
xx-Hails