when youre ready to give up . personal

when you are up late at night ready to give up and just don't see the light anymore. just remember that i am here for you. forget the past of us, forget what we ever fought about, forget that i don't even know you, forget what i am going through. i am here for you and i am not going anywhere until you feel loved, special, & WANTED. i know the feeling in the pit of your stomach when you feel so alone and only the dark of the night is there to make you feel even worse. you are just about to cry because this all makes so much sense and it all hurts because the heavier your heart is you harder it is to put it all into words. once things start piling on, you get buried. you can't even look in the mirror anymore and see yourself. soon you forget who you are. you forget what even started this. you forget why you lie to your friends and say everything is okay. you forget the little pieces of yourself that you used to love and know so well. you realize no one is there for you anymore. or you just don't want to burden them with your pain while they have their own pain and problems to deal with. they say they will be there when really they wont. it hurts so much to be alone that the tears come easy. you don't even think about it before they start streaming down your beautiful cheeks. the night drags on and all you have to be hopeful of is a brighter tomorrow.

that was me. that was how i spent my every night for the past year. 

i was alone. i was falling apart at the seems and nobody seemed to notice or care. it was easy for me to not care because why should i fix myself if nobody else would gain anything from it. i hated to burden people with my issues. i kept having these crying spells and after i sent any text whether is was me saying hello or me asking for help, i would feel horrible after i pressed send. i wished it would just delete itself and never have been sent. after Victoria explained to me and made me remember that i do need to vent. i need to let things out and just tell someone about it. i couldn't keep it all in forever. she helped me get the courage to go to challenge day at my school {read more about it here}. she gave me hugs and was super supportive when everything was falling apart. she was there when i was alone and crying. she is an amazing friend. she has become a big part of my life and a major role model. after challenge day i found a new beautiful and loyal friend. she was in my family group during the day. she has become almost a sister to me. she has become my light and my wonderful friend. she has helped me when i feel no hoep is left. she has helped me and is currently helping me with all the troubles of high school girl friendships. she is an incredible women and i will never forget what she has done and brought into my life. kelsey, an amazing women who has never left my side. :)

i love you. i love you more than you know. f you are ever feeling down or weak, you can ALWAYS count on me. i will always pick you up!!! please don't give up, i am here for you.

xoxo-Hails