Tears & Sorrow with blessings

I am blessed to be writing this post. I am blessed to be sitting here today.

I am blessed to have you. I am blessed to have my family.

I am blessed to have my friends. I am blessed to talk.

I am blessed to hear. I am blessed to smell.

I am blessed to taste. I am blessed to BREATHE.

There, I said all I needed to. These photographs mean more than my words can explain.

Tears rain down my face just looking at each of these. Thoughts raced through my mind. I felt unworthy, blessed, guilty.

In that moment I felt hopeless, painful, saddened by the fact that these people, inocent poeple & childern, were gone & I was here. Why couldn't they be here & me there. As I stood there feeling guilty as ever. I realized how blessed I was.

I have written lots of these but, this one hits me hard & strong.

Things like this, change you forever. You see it in photographs & in movies.. However, nothing compares to when you are there, in that moment when you feel nothing but, sorrow & guilt. 

I was ready to leave, right then. Never to be seen again. I was done. hurt & guilty of something I never knew I did.  Life just hit me with a pile of bricks. I was standing there with the decision I knew I had to stay for family & friends. I have so much to live & breathe for.

not even a year old. sweet little baby girl...

this post is written with tears rolling down my face.
I fel so guilty & will never be the same.
I miss you Omi & Lissie & Kayle & Emmie & Taylee. My girls. This changed me forever. I need someone.. :'( to understand and be there for me.